Ah report cards...

Every kid's dream, to get a report card once a month. Of course writing them proves to be somewhat challenging when parents are paying to have their kids attend the school and saying the wrong thing means they will take their kid elsewhere, and saying the wrong thing pretty much means stating anything other than the fact that their kids are geniuses, so we have to carefully pick our words. My report cards basically go somewhat like this:


Want to write:__________________________________Translates into:
Your child is the dumbest child EVER!___________Great work!
Definitely the smelly kid in class______________Stands out in class!
I don’t even know who your kid is?!?!___________Great participation!
Cheats off the kid beside him/her_______________Very high test scores!
Cute but stupid_________________________________Pleasure to teach!


And so on....